The Role of Empathy in Treating Personality Disorders

14 July 2025

Alright, friend, let’s dive into a topic that’s both fascinating and incredibly important—not just for therapists and psychologists but for all of us who interact with people (which is everyone, right?). We're talking about the role of empathy in treating personality disorders.

Now, before you start imagining dramatic therapy sessions from movies or complex psychology jargon, take a breath. This is going to be a chill, down-to-earth look at how a little thing called empathy can work wonders in the world of mental health.

What Is Empathy, Really?

Let’s start with the basics. Empathy is like emotional Wi-Fi. It’s the powerful ability to understand and feel what someone else is going through. Not just nodding along or saying “that sucks,” – we’re talking about genuinely stepping into someone else’s shoes, walking around a bit, and seeing the world from their perspective.

There are actually three types of empathy:

1. Cognitive empathy – “I get what you’re feeling.”
2. Emotional empathy – “I feel what you’re feeling.”
3. Compassionate empathy – “I feel what you’re feeling and want to help.”

All three can play a part in therapy, especially when it comes to personality disorders. But before we get to that, let’s clear up what we mean by "personality disorders."

Quick Recap: What Are Personality Disorders?

Imagine your personality (that whole unique cocktail of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that make you, well, you) getting “stuck” in extreme patterns. These patterns can mess with the way you see yourself, relate to others, and handle emotions. That’s what happens with personality disorders.

Some common ones include:

- Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) – emotional instability and intense relationships.
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) – grandiosity and lack of empathy.
- Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) – disregard for others' rights and social norms.
- Avoidant Personality Disorder – extreme fear of rejection and feelings of inadequacy.

These aren't just "quirky traits" or "being difficult." They can seriously disrupt someone’s life—and relationships.

Why Empathy Is a Game-Changer in Therapy

So why is empathy such a big deal in treating personality disorders? Because empathy is like the secret sauce that helps therapists build trust, defuse emotional landmines, and encourage change.

Here’s the thing: people with personality disorders often struggle with trust and connection. They may have been hurt, rejected, or misunderstood—sometimes for years. So when a therapist comes in, all cool-headed and nonjudgmental, showing genuine understanding and care? That’s powerful.

Empathy builds a bridge—and for someone who’s been living on a lonely island of pain and confusion, that bridge can mean everything.

The Power of Feeling "Seen"

Imagine pouring your heart out and, instead of being told to “calm down” or “get over it,” you hear, “That sounds incredibly painful. I can imagine how exhausting that must be.”

Boom. That’s empathy in action.

When people feel truly seen and heard, something magical happens—they start to open up. That’s step one in therapy: creating a safe space through empathetic listening.

Cue that old saying: “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Building Trust with Clients Who Push Back

Let’s be real—building rapport with someone who has a personality disorder isn't a walk in the park. Sometimes it’s more like a walk through a forest filled with emotional booby traps.

A person with narcissistic tendencies might test the therapist's ego. Someone with BPD might swing between idealizing and demonizing their therapist. And someone with ASPD might struggle with manipulation or detachment.

But empathy? It helps the therapist stay grounded and curious rather than reactive. Instead of taking things personally, they can ask questions like:

- “What’s happening for you right now?”
- “Can you tell me more about how that made you feel?”
- “What was it like growing up and feeling that way?”

Empathy helps reframe the conversation. It’s not about correcting behavior—it’s about understanding the story behind the behavior.

Empathy Doesn't Mean Indulgence

Here’s an important PSA: empathy doesn’t mean letting bad behavior slide. It’s not about sugarcoating or co-signing harmful actions. It’s about saying:

“I understand why you might react this way, but let’s look at how it’s affecting your relationships and what we can do differently.”

See the difference? You're validating the emotion—but still holding up a mirror. That balance between compassion and accountability is the sweet spot in therapy.

Therapists Need Empathy… and Boundaries

Okay, now for the therapists in the room (or anyone considering that gig): empathy is your superpower, but it's also your kryptonite if you're not careful.

Without strong boundaries, it’s easy to get emotionally drained—or worse, start over-identifying with your clients. That’s when empathy crosses into the danger zone of emotional burnout.

So therapists have to practice self-care, supervision, and objectivity. It’s like putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others.

Using Empathy to Challenge Thinking Patterns

Here’s where empathy really shines in therapy. Once a client feels safe and connected, the therapist can gently start to challenge dysfunctional thinking patterns—the kind that keeps people stuck in the same emotional loops.

Let’s say someone with BPD says, “Everyone always abandons me.”

An empathetic therapist won’t just say, “That’s not true.” Instead, they'll say something like:

“I hear how deeply you fear abandonment—it makes sense given your past experiences. Let’s look at some examples together and see if we can find new ways to interpret what happened.”

Empathy + curiosity = insight. And insight is the first step toward change.

Group Therapy: Where Empathy Meets Reality

Want to see empathy in action? Step into a well-run group therapy session.

Group settings are amazing for people with personality disorders because they offer real-time practice in social skills. Members get to see how they affect others, feel the impact of their words, and experience both giving and receiving empathy.

It’s like emotional CrossFit.

And guess what? When group members start to notice their own patterns—and feel validated instead of judged—it can spark major growth.

Empathy's Role in Long-Term Change

So, does empathy cure personality disorders? Not exactly. But it sets the stage for healing by:

- Fostering safety and trust
- Encouraging emotional regulation
- Opening the door to self-awareness
- Supporting long-term behavior change

Think of empathy as the soil. Therapy tools like CBT, DBT, or schema therapy are the seeds. Without that rich, empathic soil, those seeds won’t grow nearly as well.

When Empathy Feels Risky for Clients

One last twist: empathy isn’t always easy for clients to absorb. Especially for those who grew up in environments where empathy was lacking or conditional.

For some, being seen and cared for can actually trigger fear or suspicion. They might think:

- “What does this person want from me?”
- “Why are they being nice?”
- “This won't last.”

That’s where persistence, patience, and consistency come in. Therapists have to keep showing up with empathy, even when it gets rejected, because over time, that pattern can shift. Slowly but surely, trust begins to build.

Final Thoughts: Empathy Is the Heart of Healing

So, what have we learned here today, folks?

Empathy isn’t just a feel-good buzzword. It’s the beating heart of effective therapy—especially when treating personality disorders. It’s how therapists connect, challenge, and co-create change with their clients.

And here's a bonus truth bomb: while therapists are trained to wield empathy like a fine-tuned instrument, all of us can benefit from using it more in our daily lives. Whether you're chatting with a friend, parenting a teen, or dealing with a co-worker who drives you nuts—empathy can change the game.

Because when people feel seen, they heal.