How to Maintain Passion in Long-Term Relationships: A Psychological Guide

24 June 2025

When you're in a long-term relationship, it's easy to get caught up in the routine of life. Work, kids, bills, errands – the demands of everyday life can quickly overshadow the romantic spark that once set your heart ablaze. Relationships, just like anything else, require maintenance to keep that fire burning. But how do you maintain passion when you’ve been with someone for years or even decades?

In this psychological guide, we’ll dive deep into the science behind what fuels and maintains passion in long-term relationships. Spoiler alert: It’s not just about candlelit dinners and weekend getaways (although those can help too). We'll explore practical tips and psychological insights to help you keep that spark alive.

Understanding Passion: What’s Really Going On?

Before we get into the "how," let's first understand the "what." Passion is a key part of romantic love. It’s that intense, exciting feeling you get when you’re deeply attracted to someone – the butterflies, the daydreams. In psychology, passion is often described as a component of the “Triangular Theory of Love,” crafted by psychologist Robert J. Sternberg, which includes three elements: passion, intimacy, and commitment.

Passion is usually at its peak during the honeymoon phase of a relationship, but it naturally declines over time. That doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed to a life of boredom and routine, though. Passion can be rekindled.

Here’s the trick – maintaining passion isn’t just about physical attraction or sexual chemistry. Our brains need a combination of novelty, emotional bond, and shared experiences to keep that flame alive. Passion is both a psychological and physical experience, and it's heavily influenced by how we perceive our partner and ourselves.

Why Passion Fades Over Time

Okay, now let’s talk about why passion tends to fade. No matter how much you love someone, those initial fireworks will settle down eventually. In the early stages, our brains are flooded with chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin, which make us feel euphoric. But over time, our bodies adjust, and those "feel-good" chemicals aren’t as intense as they once were. Your once ritualistic long stares into each other's eyes? Now replaced with debates about whose turn it is to do the dishes. It’s natural.

Also, as we grow comfortable with our partners, we often stop prioritizing the very things that attracted us to one another in the first place. The mystery fades, and we fall into routines. Sound familiar?

But the good news? The decline in passion isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it can make way for deeper levels of bonding and intimacy. Still, a little passion never hurt anyone, right?

The Role of Habituation and Familiarity

One reason passion declines is due to something called habituation. Simply put, the more we’re exposed to something, the less exciting it becomes. Think about it – when you get a new car, it’s thrilling at first, but over time, it becomes just another part of your daily routine. The same thing can happen in relationships.

Familiarity can bring comfort, but it also removes some of the unpredictability that fuels passion. According to psychological research, humans are wired to enjoy novelty. So, when everything becomes predictable, your brain stops releasing those “love hormones” at the same rate.

How to Maintain Passion: 7 Practical Psychological Tips

So, how do you combat the slow fade of passion? Here’s the thing: it takes conscious effort. But it’s entirely possible to reignite (or keep burning) that flame, even after years of being together. Let’s break it down.

1. Embrace Novelty

Remember how we were just talking about novelty? Here’s where it becomes crucial. Introducing new activities, challenges, or even environments into your relationship can keep things fresh.

Psychologists suggest that couples who engage in novel and exciting activities together (e.g., traveling to a new place, trying a new hobby, or even just going to a different restaurant) experience higher levels of relationship satisfaction. Novelty activates the brain’s reward centers, prompting the release of dopamine, which is closely associated with feelings of passion.

Try This:

Plan something new every month, it doesn’t have to be extravagant. Even small changes, like taking a walk in a different part of town or cooking an unfamiliar recipe together, can help keep things exciting.

2. Prioritize Emotional Intimacy

Let’s get a bit deeper. Passion often fizzles out when emotional intimacy is neglected. Passion may seem purely physical, but it’s strongly connected to how safe and emotionally attached we feel to our partner.

Open communication, vulnerability, and genuine conversations build emotional intimacy. When we feel understood and appreciated, we’re more likely to feel passionate about our partner. In fact, psychologist John Gottman talks about “turning towards” your partner in everyday moments. This means actively engaging with your partner’s bids for attention, affection, or emotional support.

Try This:

Make time for “check-ins” – undistracted time where you both talk about how you’re feeling, what’s going on in your lives, and how you can support each other. Listen without interruptions.

3. Cultivate Your Own Individuality

Believe it or not, spending a little time apart can increase passion. While it might seem counterproductive, having your own hobbies, interests, and time to yourself actually enhances your relationship.

Why? It reinforces a sense of mystery. Passion thrives when we see our partner as slightly unknown or when we’re reminded of the aspects that make them unique. That’s the allure of the early relationship days – you didn’t know everything about each other. When you spend time doing things you’re passionate about individually, you can bring that energy back into the relationship.

Try This:

Encourage each other to pursue personal passions or hobbies, whether it’s going to a yoga class, starting a side project, or hanging out with friends. When you reunite, you’ll have more to talk about, and you’ll appreciate each other’s unique qualities.

4. Physical Touch Matters

Here’s the thing: passion has a very tangible, physical quality. Over time, we might start neglecting those small touches that once were so pivotal. While passion is more than just sex, physical touch is a major component.

Science supports this too – when we touch someone we love, our bodies release oxytocin, the “bonding hormone.” So one of the best ways to maintain passion is to make sure that physical touch (whether sexual or not) remains a priority.

Try This:

Make it a point to touch your partner affectionately every day. This could be holding hands, cuddling, or just a gentle touch on the shoulder.

5. Date Night is Non-Negotiable

Date nights may seem like a cliché, but they work. Taking time for each other without distractions allows you to reconnect. It doesn’t have to be fancy; the key is creating intentional quality time.

Couples therapy often emphasizes date nights for a reason. It gives you the chance to step out of your "roles" (like parents, workers, etc.) and step into being romantic partners again.

Try This:

Make date night a recurring event. Block off time in your calendars just like you would for a work meeting. During this time, avoid talking about mundane things – instead, focus on each other.

6. Keep the Playfulness Alive

Remember the early days when you were constantly teasing or joking around with each other? Playfulness can reignite passion because it introduces spontaneity and joy into the relationship.

Playfulness keeps things light and reminds you why you’re attracted to each other in the first place. Humor releases tension and fosters connection, bringing back a youthful, carefree energy to your bond.

Try This:

Inject some silliness into your routine – whether that’s through an inside joke, a fun game, or even just goofing off together. Play a board game, have a spontaneous dance-off in your living room, or prank each other in harmless ways.

7. Stay Curious About Your Partner

You may think you know everything about your partner, but everyone evolves. As we change and grow over the years, our goals, desires, and dreams shift. Staying curious about your partner keeps things interesting.

Ask questions that go beyond the everyday. Dive into their thoughts, dreams, and fears. Even after decades, there’s always more to learn. Being genuinely curious about your partner promotes deeper emotional intimacy, which in turn fuels passion.

Try This:

Spend some time asking each other deep questions. Check out 36 Questions to Fall in Love (made famous by a New York Times article) if you need a framework to dive deeper into uncharted territories of your relationship.

Don’t Forget: Relationships Take Effort

Passion doesn’t maintain itself. As relationships grow, the effort we put in often wanes. But the truth is, long-term relationships require intentional actions to keep the fire alive. Think of it like a garden – without tending, the flowers will wither, but with care and attention, they’ll bloom beautifully.

Don’t be afraid to make an effort. Routines can be comforting, but they don’t have to be boring. By continually investing in your relationship, you’re growing both passion and intimacy.

Conclusion: Growing Passion Over Time

The ups and downs of a long-term relationship are inevitable, but passion doesn’t have to be a casualty of time. With effort, intention, and a little creativity, you can keep the flames of passion alive, even after the honeymoon phase has long passed.

So, if you’re feeling like your relationship could use a little spark, remember – even the longest-lasting fire can be reignited with the right fuel.